It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Randomize
