Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
