I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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