Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
