3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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