areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
We are all done wearing pants today
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
