My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
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