woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
