At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
