You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
