I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize