I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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