what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
