Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
