I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
