I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
