its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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