dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
