I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
