whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
