i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
