the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
