long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
