Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
