Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
