I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
