If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I still have a little drunk in my system
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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