Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
