I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
