There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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