i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
