Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
