so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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