Jerry, you need to find god
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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