you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
