eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
