You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
