she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
