I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
