i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
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