Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
