ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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