a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
