You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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