I'm eating all of the evidence.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
