so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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