hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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