her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
