at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
