You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
