its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
