if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
