I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
