You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize