No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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