Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
