everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
