Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize