pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
