If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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