Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
