just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
