I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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