This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
