The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
from now on my penis is your penis
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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