I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I deserve this hangover.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize