Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize