I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
