i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
